The Kris Kringle Konundrum, the pilot episode of Vultures, focuses on the three private detectives ludicrous attempts at buying presents for each other when they do an office Kris Kringle for Christmas.

Pilot  -  “The Kris Kringle Konundrum”

Stills From The Episode

Jack Street (Ross Costigan)

Is he an urban prophet preaching topical news and gossip to the masses or is he a sleazy, pimp, pusher and snitch without a moral in the world? Either way, Jack Street is the man to go to for the word on the street. A street informant for V.P.I, the fur coat, bling clad, Mohawk sporting Street offers information at a price. Usually 5 euro.

Desperate for legitimacy, Street wants the security of an office but will V.P.I. let him join? Oh no. Well, McGrain probably would because he likes him but the others think he’s a scumbag. Mean, childish and full of so much panache you wouldn’t believe, Jack Street is the last word in snitching technology. He is the word on the street. Especially the dirty ones.

Facts:

1. -His face once went septic when he got his chin pierced.
   

2. -Wanted for questioning by the guards for Chernobyl Children’s Project fund theft and also for mugging Dunnes Stores Santa.
   

3. -Rumoured to once having been addicted to heroin and to a lesser extent, Babycham.
   

4. -Has been accidentally shat on a record 5 times.
   

5. -Once hijacked a Pat The Baker truck during 2004 St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Driver suffered concussion due to ‘harsh cane blow’.
   

Quote:

“You know that ad ye did for the telly? Why come I wasn't in it?! Jack Street has just the kind of panache, charm and sex appeal that it needed!”

Introducing.....

Sarah Black (Niamh Moroney)

Sarah has better things to do with her life than go out with Jim Vultour. She’s a young lady who likes looking at old buildings, collecting antiques, making matchstick versions of world famous buildings and plays in a xylophone based instrumental band called The Xlophobes. Not to mention her day job as a tour guide. 

So why should a nice girl like this put up with Jim Vultour? Even though they share the same scruffy clothes, messy hair and big glasses look, there’s little in common anymore. Their 3 year relationship ended due to ‘irreconcilable differences.’ This basically means he wanted to stay in and read books and Sarah wanted to do something with her spare time. So finally, she’s free and enjoying her life but will he leave her alone? No, he keeps texting her, annoying her and generally bombarding her with hate mail. What’s a mild mannered tour guide to do?

Facts:

1. -Particularly fond of baggy jumpers. Even with holes in them. Especially with holes in them.
   

2. -Her favourite actor is Bruce Lee and her favourite actress is Ashley Judd.
   

3. -She can play 2 xylophones at once.
   

4. -Contact lenses make her eyes swell up and go crusty.
   

5. -She is also allergic to dogs and hamsters. Especially the hamster, Toby, that Jim left on her doorstep. She keeps him in the shed and throws food in at him.
   

Quote:

‘Jim, just fuck off!’

Cast & Crew

Isabelle Vultour (Liadain Kaminska)

Isabelle likes the simple life. She likes working as a ballerina, she likes to go for long walks, she likes to cook mildly spicy Tibetan cuisine and she really loves her architecht boyfriend Tom Moriarty.

And why wouldn’t she like the simple life? She grew up in the eccentric Vultour household with two squabbling older brothers, a quiet, secretive father and a loud, fussy mother. Not to mention getting roped into the teen detective exploits of her brother Jim and his friend Dan McGrain. And all the childhood bullies she endured. There’s also the matter of the person who has been sending her ornate presents and romantic mail since she was 14. Someone who is undoubtedly a rapist or some sort of sexual deviant, or so she assumes.

So after this little lot, no wonder Isabelle craves peace.

No wonder she likes to dance to herself and ignore the chaotic and childish things in life. Isabelle Vultour is happily content with domestic bliss. All the while failing to hear that nice music that plays in Dan McGrain’s head whenever she appears.

Facts: 

1. -She initially wanted to be a detective, like her childhood hero Batman.
   

2. -She has had precisely three boyfriends in life: Tim Holmes (a nerd), Bobby Blanco (a jock) and of course, Tom Moriarty (a sexy architecht)
   

3. -She usually needs Deep Heat rubbed into her legs at least twice a night.
   

4. -Isabelle enjoys wearing woolly hats, a very serious recommendation she took from her friend Dan McGrain. They have lots in common.
   

5. -Her baking speciality is Rice Krispie buns. Especially the ones where she bakes Rice Krispie squares inside them.
   

Quote:

‘For all I know he could be a filthy, dirty rapist.’

Fred Bass (Eddie Brennan)

A man of few words, Fred Bass likes to keep things simple. A fishmonger by trade, Fred gets up early in the morning and boards his trawler The Flaming Mackerel. He usually sells his wares down by the docks, with haddock being a favourite catch of his. Despite being a man of intimidating size, Fred Bass has the temperament of a rather large, ginger teddy bear. He’s quite loveable. Especially when he rolls around on the floor with Spade, the little West Highland Terrier he shares with Niall Tennyson.

Fred is equally as loveable in his seasonal jobs as a Christmas Store Santa (‘Well, what presents do ya want?’), a St. Patrick’s Day Store Leprechaun (‘Well, top of the mornin’ to ya.’) and as an Easter Store Bunny (‘Well, here’s an egg for ya’).

Fred met Niall Tennyson at a neighbourhood watch meeting, after an unknown arsonist had set local businesses and taxis alight. Not to mention Fred’s row boat, Eamon. When Niall decided to move out of his family home and Fred decided to move out of the cabin he shared with 7 other fishermen, they moved in together. They were soon joined by the reclusive Professor Hubert Calley, who generally tends to potter away up in his room. So, a detective, a fishermonger, a professor and a small dog: that is the picture of domestic bliss you’ll encounter at 17 Marlinspike Heights. It’s a nice little set up, or as Fred might put it ‘It’s savage’. Indeed.

Facts: 

1. -Fred has seen The Wizard of Oz 214 times. He never fails to chuckle when it goes to colour.
   

2. -He used to be a bouncer at The Battered Cod, a pub down by the docks but he was fired for stealing a crate of Old Jamaican Sea Dog Rum.
   

3. -His favourite holiday destination is the Isle of Man.
   

4. -Once had a pet terrapin called Fred Bass Jr. but he accidentally flushed him.
   

5. -The most famous person he ever met was Derek Davis in a pub called The Bloody Grouse in Douglas, Isle of Man. They did 14 shots of rum together. And each.
   

Quote:

'Keep it simple.'

Pilot  -  Outtakes

Some fun and festive fumbles from 'The Kris Kringle Konundrum'.