“Janine Drew Presents Where Have All The Good Dicks Gone”

Trailer

First year college student Janine Drew is making a documentary about unemployment amongst detectives. The question she is posing is Where Have All The Good Dicks Gone? But first a more pressing question needs answering!

Student detective Janine Drew is making a documentary about unemployed detectives in her town. She attempts to reunite her old friends, the former detectives of Vultures Private Investigations but what she finds is an insight into the lonely underbelly of the Irish detective world. The Vultures have come home to roost. But do Vultures really roost? And what meat is there left for them to feast on?

Introducing.....

Ronnie Drew (Colin O’Brien)

The younger brother of Janine Drew is just as foul mouthed and just as ginger as his sister. Ronnie is a school dropout with plans on becoming a serious internet hacker. Or else a Trinity College student, same difference really.

Unfortunately, he spends most of his time online watching porn. It’s just so distracting trying to learn computer code when there are images of people having sex to download. Ronnie has a career ahead of him. Whether it’s long or successful, we don’t know yet. But if he’s half as ambitious as his sister, he’ll go far.

Facts:

1. -Spends a lot of time in Janine’s room since she went to college. Allegedly wanking in her bed.
   

2. -Has at least 5 stash areas in his house. Four of which are for porn and the last of which is for Benson and Hedges.
   

3. -Regards himself as a black belt in ‘fraping’
   

4. -Claims his most successful hack was getting into his Principal’s Facebook account and posting picture of the boys showers. With the boys in it.
   

5. -Tried to apply to Wikileaks for a job but he couldn’t get a good reference.
   

Quote:

“I wasn’t wankin!”

Cast & Crew

May O’Neil (Maria Murray)

Every small town needs a local roving reporter, general trouble maker and nosy know it all. In the small town our dicks reside in, that gossip smith is May O’Neil.

A news presenter, journalist and avid Chinese Whisperer, O’Neil is everything that is fake, over bearing and back stabbing about small town news journalism. O’Neil’s big break through was her sensational coverage of the V.P.I. and Pinkerton feud of 2009/10. Rumoured to be in the back pocket of the Pinkertons, O’Neil’s articles painted them as being the crime fighting saviour of the town whilst also describing V.P.I. as ‘that little noisy detective agency with those creepy, pervert men.’ The subsequent fallout from the feud saw both agencies shut down and O’Neil getting all the plaudits for her coverage of the court case. Now, the loud mouth meddler has turned her hand to sensationalising the exploits of Johnny Curragh, long rumoured to be the biggest peddler of illegal poitín, diamonds and general crime in town. This ballsy, trouble making journo is looking for another big scoop and she doesn’t care who she upsets. She’s very mean like that.

Facts:

1. -She is the only woman who Dan McGrain said he would consider ‘mildly pushing into.’
   

2. -Despite accusations, she maintained her innocence during the Pinkertons phone tapping scandal. Her excuse? ‘I have selective deafness in both ears.’
   

3. -She wears a lot of bright yellow as she feels it is the most obnoxious of all the colours.
   

4. -Her hero is Anne Doyle and longs for the day where she can afford to have her hair done just as well and keep her face just as still.
   

5. -Her TV presenting voice is also the same as her radio presenting voice, phone voice, angry voice, tired voice, sexy voice and general inquiry voice.
   

Quote:

“If it bleeds, it leads!”